The other day I was with someone I really dig hanging out with when they found out that their bank account was over drawn. Ughhhhhhh! SO frustrating. They were bummed (rightly so) because it was a disappointing, costly mistake that could have been avoided. The money was available but they decided to wait to transfer, which turned out to be the wrong choice.
Things like this happen all the time to all of us. We make a decision that leads to a disappointing outcome and it feels like crap. All we can do at that point is to resolve to make a different choice next time, to learn and behave differently next time.
Because I know this person well, I had an inkling that they would carry the guilt, shame and disappointment of this let down for the rest of the afternoon. I love this person too much to see that happen plus selfishly…..we were supposed to spend time together and I didn’t want it hanging over us like a storm cloud.
So, I attempted to pep talk her into letting it go. I used all of my yoga teacher lingo but it only partially helped her see that what was done was done. The only thing left to do now, (after correcting it) was to not let it happen again. I could tell that she was still bummed because she had let herself down.
It wasn’t until later that night. after things had already settled and smoothed out, that something new came to me. What if it was framed differently?
When someone is disappointed or bummed out and we tell them to just let it go; isn’t that like virtually impossible? They are already upset, pissed off or freaked out and we’re like….its cool, just let it go. They are on the receiving end of that thinking, “seriously, don’t you think if it was that easy I would have let it go by now”? It’s not like they want to feel bad, ruin your lunch plans or destroy the rest of their day.
Asking someone to Let it Go is like asking them to do something they don’t know how to do in that moment. It feels virtually impossible when you are in the immediacy of the situation.
What if we suggested something a bit more doable like Let it Be or Let it Flow? Letting something be doesn’t require any further action steps. It doesn’t require you to do anything at all except to Let it Be, allowing you and the undesirable feelings to move on.
It is incredibly important to allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling in an effort to let it leave. What you resist persists, so allow yourself to feel then Let it Flow. If you need to be mad, be mad. If you need to cry and use swear words then let it rip because that is how you will allow it to leave by acknowledging it and letting it flow.
Then, you can enjoy the rest of your day feeling proud of yourself for learning such a valuable lesson.
You’ve got this. Let it Flow my friends,